UNCLE VITO’S FUNERAL
BY MIKE COLONNA
SETTING: Vinnie’s funeral parlor on the Northside of
Chicago. A conference table is set up to resemble a casket.
CAST:
Vito, “The Forehead” Mostacholli (MOSS-TA- CHOLLI)lies in a
casket. Big time “mover and shaker” in Chicago’s Italian
ruling elite.
Father Guido Fettuchini, the St. Anthony’s parish priest.
Barbina Al Dente, Vito’s First Wife, bubbly naive looking
brunett
Penne Malatesta, Vito’s Second Wife, sexy middle aged over
the hill former actress.
Angelina Farfalla, Vito’s Third Wife, looks and talks like a
waitress.
Fabiano Mostacholli, (MOSS-TA- CHOLLI) Vito’s son, distraught
but takes Vito’s death in stride.
Joe Picarreli, Vito’s Partner, glad to be alive.
Jimmy Fratella, Vito’s Accountant, and trustworthy friend.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI, THE FIRST SECOND AND THIRD WIVES AND
SON OF VITO MOSTACHOLLI WALK UP TO ISLE AND LINEUP BEHIND A
THE COFFIN OF VITO MOSTACHOLLI. (MOSS-TA- CHOLLI)
The motley crew, the ex wives and son stand behind the casket
of the deceased.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we start I would like to say
a few words about our very close
friend Vito. He was a very
generous man, owner of one of the
biggest concrete companies here in
Chicago, Vito started out as a poor
immigrant from Sicily. He always
held his hand out to his enemies.
That’s probably why Vito lost a few
fingers and had his nose broken.
But I digress. Vito was one of the
backbones of St. Anthony’s church
here in the windy city. He would
always joke about Chicago’s
reputation. His favorite saying was
“the wind blew, the “shitta” flew,
in walked Vito.” He was a proud
man.
I would like to introduce his First
wife Barbina. She has a few words
to say about Vito.
BARBINA ALDENTE
Vito, we will miss you. I’ll never
forget the first time we met at
Canelloni’s restaurant on the South
Side. It was a rainy night. The
traffic was unbearable. Your
chauffeur was making good time
until he hit the policeman on his
motorcycle. The officer was lying
there, your driver got out and told
the officer you were in a hurry and
gave him your card and 100 dollars.
The priest nudges Barbina to continue.
BARBINA
When we sat down to eat, I noticed
a middle aged women who had the
most beautiful diamond earings.
Vito saw how much I loved those
earings, the next thing you know
woman dissappeared and Vito had
gift wrapped the diamond earings in
a napkin. They fell out on my
spagetti and meatballs. I must say
those meatballs never looked
better.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sorry Barbina, we must move on.
We only have this until 2 pm and
it’s already noon.
BARBINA ALDENTE
Thank you Father, I’ll be waiting
outside after the service behind
the sanctuary, I have a surprise
for you and an envelop. (She looks
very available)
Father Guido embarassed wishpers in Barbina’s ear and
introduces Vito’s second wife.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Allow me to introduce Vito’s second
wife Penne. Again Vito sparred no
price to get the “hottest” I mean
most attractive women to marry him.
Penne, chewing gum, standing next to Father Guido.
PENNE MALATESTA
I would like to take the floor and
say a few kind words about my first
love. Vito. We met in a “bar” I
mean fine restaurant on the
Northside. I think the name was
“Santino’s house of Girls.” Vito’s
eyes and mine met, he immediatley
bought 10 tickets so he could dance
with me.
It was love at first site. Many of
you didn’t know that Vito was a
pioneer in the movie business. He
told me he produced dozens of home
movies, and wanted me to star in
his latest adventure. He said that
the movie was called “I’ve got a
lovely bunch of coconuts,” it was a
remake of one of those “out of
Africa” National Geographic films.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Penne, I don’t think it’s
appropriate for you to discuss this
movie at this time. I watched it,
it was entertaining, but the folks
here would not be interested.
PENNE MALATESTA
If you insist Father, I was getting
to the part you played but we’ll
save that for another day.
Whatever, Vito was a great man and
I will forever be in “his debt.”
My guess is I still owe him a
couple of thousand dollars.
Father Guido introduces Vito’s third wife, Angelina Farfalla. She’s standing next to Vito’s son Fabiano. During the ceremony they’ve been lusting for each other.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
(Looking down sobbing at the site
of Vito’s dead body) I don’t have
the words to express how much I
loved this man. I know he loved
women but I was his special one.
Penne and Barbina take offense at
her comment.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
My first thoughts go out to his
family. Fabiano, his late brothers
Nunzio, Carmine and sister,
Josephine. They all met untimely
deaths. We will always miss you
Vito. His memories will always be
with me. I remember when we were
dating and he took me to that
famous restaurant, the one he took
clients that owed him money. “The
Last Supper Club.” After that we
had a wonderful drive down the
Congress Street express way and
Vito showed me all of the special
concrete barriers named after his
friends. Yes Vito was a special
man.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Angelina, you were my
favorite.
Father Guido then introduces Fabiano, Vito’s son.
FABIANO
Barbina, Penne amd Angelina (big
winks). I’m so happy you are here
today to honor my father. Before I
make some big announcements about
my fathers will, (the wives show
excitement) I want to say a few
words about Vito. I know what
you’re thinking, the police reports
say he killed himself by drowning
in his bathtub. I ask you how can
you commit suicide if you’re hands
are tied behind your back, you are
blindfolded, with your clothes on,
and there’s no water in the tub?
Another question? How could he have
written a suicide note taped to his
forehead?
I wonder if that had any thing to
do about his nickname, Vito “the
Forehead” Mostacholli. I doubt,
very much, the police did a good
job investigating my fathers
untimely death. A few words about
my dad. He was a generous man,
although several of his business
partners disappeared, after some
brief disagreements, he made sure
the families had something to
remember them by. He made sure
their were concrete park benches
with their names inscribed in
Lincoln Park. Another gift my
father donated to the city was a
concrete center divider on the
Chicago River bridge named after
one his biggest competitors. Those
were a few of the ways he showed
his love of country and affection
for his competitors and friends.
God rest your soul dad.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sure there are others that
would like to say a few things
about this great man. Please make
it brief. We have a few
announcements, and please be
generous when our ushers pass the
basket, we need cash to pay the
caterers at “Meatballs are Us”
after this solemn event.
Father nods to the audience to come up and say a few words about Vito. First Joe Picarrelli.
JOE PICARRELI
I have a few IOU’s you’re father
gave me (looking at Fabiano} by we
can talk about that later.
FABIANO (CONT'D)
As you know I was one of Vito’s
trusted partners. Our concrete
business was the go to place if you
needed a driveway, or highway.
There are many highways leaving
Chicago named after some of our
clients. One comes to mind, the
Congress Street Expressway. If you
look closely at some off ramps they
are named after some of my partners
ex-partners. I am grateful we could
do this for them. We were like
brothers.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
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Father Guido Fettuchini, the St. Anthony’s parish priest.
Barbina Al Dente, Vito’s First Wife, bubbly naive looking
brunett
Penne Malatesta, Vito’s Second Wife, sexy middle aged over
the hill former actress.
Angelina Farfalla, Vito’s Third Wife, looks and talks like a
waitress.
Fabiano Mostacholli, (MOSS-TA- CHOLLI) Vito’s son, distraught
but takes Vito’s death in stride.
Joe Picarreli, Vito’s Partner, glad to be alive.
Jimmy Fratella, Vito’s Accountant, and trustworthy friend.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI, THE FIRST SECOND AND THIRD WIVES AND
SON OF VITO MOSTACHOLLI WALK UP TO ISLE AND LINEUP BEHIND A
THE COFFIN OF VITO MOSTACHOLLI. (MOSS-TA- CHOLLI)
The motley crew, the ex wives and son stand behind the casket
of the deceased.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we start I would like to say
a few words about our very close
friend Vito. He was a very
generous man, owner of one of the
biggest concrete companies here in
Chicago, Vito started out as a poor
immigrant from Sicily. He always
held his hand out to his enemies.
That’s probably why Vito lost a few
fingers and had his nose broken.
But I digress. Vito was one of the
backbones of St. Anthony’s church
here in the windy city. He would
always joke about Chicago’s
reputation. His favorite saying was
“the wind blew, the “shitta” flew,
in walked Vito.” He was a proud
man.
I would like to introduce his First
wife Barbina. She has a few words
to say about Vito.
BARBINA ALDENTE
Vito, we will miss you. I’ll never
forget the first time we met at
Canelloni’s restaurant on the South
Side. It was a rainy night. The
traffic was unbearable. Your
chauffeur was making good time
until he hit the policeman on his
motorcycle. The officer was lying
there, your driver got out and told
the officer you were in a hurry and
gave him your card and 100 dollars.
The priest nudges Barbina to continue.
BARBINA
When we sat down to eat, I noticed
a middle aged women who had the
most beautiful diamond earings.
Vito saw how much I loved those
earings, the next thing you know
woman dissappeared and Vito had
gift wrapped the diamond earings in
a napkin. They fell out on my
spagetti and meatballs. I must say
those meatballs never looked
better.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sorry Barbina, we must move on.
We only have this until 2 pm and
it’s already noon.
BARBINA ALDENTE
Thank you Father, I’ll be waiting
outside after the service behind
the sanctuary, I have a surprise
for you and an envelop. (She looks
very available)
Father Guido embarassed wishpers in Barbina’s ear and
introduces Vito’s second wife.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Allow me to introduce Vito’s second
wife Penne. Again Vito sparred no
price to get the “hottest” I mean
most attractive women to marry him.
Penne, chewing gum, standing next to Father Guido.
PENNE MALATESTA
I would like to take the floor and
say a few kind words about my first
love. Vito. We met in a “bar” I
mean fine restaurant on the
Northside. I think the name was
“Santino’s house of Girls.” Vito’s
eyes and mine met, he immediatley
bought 10 tickets so he could dance
with me.
It was love at first site. Many of
you didn’t know that Vito was a
pioneer in the movie business. He
told me he produced dozens of home
movies, and wanted me to star in
his latest adventure. He said that
the movie was called “I’ve got a
lovely bunch of coconuts,” it was a
remake of one of those “out of
Africa” National Geographic films.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Penne, I don’t think it’s
appropriate for you to discuss this
movie at this time. I watched it,
it was entertaining, but the folks
here would not be interested.
PENNE MALATESTA
If you insist Father, I was getting
to the part you played but we’ll
save that for another day.
Whatever, Vito was a great man and
I will forever be in “his debt.”
My guess is I still owe him a
couple of thousand dollars.
Father Guido introduces Vito’s third wife, Angelina Farfalla. She’s standing next to Vito’s son Fabiano. During the ceremony they’ve been lusting for each other.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
(Looking down sobbing at the site
of Vito’s dead body) I don’t have
the words to express how much I
loved this man. I know he loved
women but I was his special one.
Penne and Barbina take offense at
her comment.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
My first thoughts go out to his
family. Fabiano, his late brothers
Nunzio, Carmine and sister,
Josephine. They all met untimely
deaths. We will always miss you
Vito. His memories will always be
with me. I remember when we were
dating and he took me to that
famous restaurant, the one he took
clients that owed him money. “The
Last Supper Club.” After that we
had a wonderful drive down the
Congress Street express way and
Vito showed me all of the special
concrete barriers named after his
friends. Yes Vito was a special
man.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Angelina, you were my
favorite.
Father Guido then introduces Fabiano, Vito’s son.
FABIANO
Barbina, Penne amd Angelina (big
winks). I’m so happy you are here
today to honor my father. Before I
make some big announcements about
my fathers will, (the wives show
excitement) I want to say a few
words about Vito. I know what
you’re thinking, the police reports
say he killed himself by drowning
in his bathtub. I ask you how can
you commit suicide if you’re hands
are tied behind your back, you are
blindfolded, with your clothes on,
and there’s no water in the tub?
Another question? How could he have
written a suicide note taped to his
forehead?
I wonder if that had any thing to
do about his nickname, Vito “the
Forehead” Mostacholli. I doubt,
very much, the police did a good
job investigating my fathers
untimely death. A few words about
my dad. He was a generous man,
although several of his business
partners disappeared, after some
brief disagreements, he made sure
the families had something to
remember them by. He made sure
their were concrete park benches
with their names inscribed in
Lincoln Park. Another gift my
father donated to the city was a
concrete center divider on the
Chicago River bridge named after
one his biggest competitors. Those
were a few of the ways he showed
his love of country and affection
for his competitors and friends.
God rest your soul dad.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sure there are others that
would like to say a few things
about this great man. Please make
it brief. We have a few
announcements, and please be
generous when our ushers pass the
basket, we need cash to pay the
caterers at “Meatballs are Us”
after this solemn event.
Father nods to the audience to come up and say a few words about Vito. First Joe Picarrelli.
JOE PICARRELI
I have a few IOU’s you’re father
gave me (looking at Fabiano} by we
can talk about that later.
FABIANO (CONT'D)
As you know I was one of Vito’s
trusted partners. Our concrete
business was the go to place if you
needed a driveway, or highway.
There are many highways leaving
Chicago named after some of our
clients. One comes to mind, the
Congress Street Expressway. If you
look closely at some off ramps they
are named after some of my partners
ex-partners. I am grateful we could
do this for them. We were like
brothers.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
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FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we start I would like to say
a few words about our very close
friend Vito. He was a very
generous man, owner of one of the
biggest concrete companies here in
Chicago, Vito started out as a poor
immigrant from Sicily. He always
held his hand out to his enemies.
That’s probably why Vito lost a few
fingers and had his nose broken.
But I digress. Vito was one of the
backbones of St. Anthony’s church
here in the windy city. He would
always joke about Chicago’s
reputation. His favorite saying was
“the wind blew, the “shitta” flew,
in walked Vito.” He was a proud
man.
I would like to introduce his First
wife Barbina. She has a few words
to say about Vito.
BARBINA ALDENTE
Vito, we will miss you. I’ll never
forget the first time we met at
Canelloni’s restaurant on the South
Side. It was a rainy night. The
traffic was unbearable. Your
chauffeur was making good time
until he hit the policeman on his
motorcycle. The officer was lying
there, your driver got out and told
the officer you were in a hurry and
gave him your card and 100 dollars.
The priest nudges Barbina to continue.
BARBINA
When we sat down to eat, I noticed
a middle aged women who had the
most beautiful diamond earings.
Vito saw how much I loved those
earings, the next thing you know
woman dissappeared and Vito had
gift wrapped the diamond earings in
a napkin. They fell out on my
spagetti and meatballs. I must say
those meatballs never looked
better.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sorry Barbina, we must move on.
We only have this until 2 pm and
it’s already noon.
BARBINA ALDENTE
Thank you Father, I’ll be waiting
outside after the service behind
the sanctuary, I have a surprise
for you and an envelop. (She looks
very available)
Father Guido embarassed wishpers in Barbina’s ear and
introduces Vito’s second wife.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Allow me to introduce Vito’s second
wife Penne. Again Vito sparred no
price to get the “hottest” I mean
most attractive women to marry him.
Penne, chewing gum, standing next to Father Guido.
PENNE MALATESTA
I would like to take the floor and
say a few kind words about my first
love. Vito. We met in a “bar” I
mean fine restaurant on the
Northside. I think the name was
“Santino’s house of Girls.” Vito’s
eyes and mine met, he immediatley
bought 10 tickets so he could dance
with me.
It was love at first site. Many of
you didn’t know that Vito was a
pioneer in the movie business. He
told me he produced dozens of home
movies, and wanted me to star in
his latest adventure. He said that
the movie was called “I’ve got a
lovely bunch of coconuts,” it was a
remake of one of those “out of
Africa” National Geographic films.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Penne, I don’t think it’s
appropriate for you to discuss this
movie at this time. I watched it,
it was entertaining, but the folks
here would not be interested.
PENNE MALATESTA
If you insist Father, I was getting
to the part you played but we’ll
save that for another day.
Whatever, Vito was a great man and
I will forever be in “his debt.”
My guess is I still owe him a
couple of thousand dollars.
Father Guido introduces Vito’s third wife, Angelina Farfalla. She’s standing next to Vito’s son Fabiano. During the ceremony they’ve been lusting for each other.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
(Looking down sobbing at the site
of Vito’s dead body) I don’t have
the words to express how much I
loved this man. I know he loved
women but I was his special one.
Penne and Barbina take offense at
her comment.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
My first thoughts go out to his
family. Fabiano, his late brothers
Nunzio, Carmine and sister,
Josephine. They all met untimely
deaths. We will always miss you
Vito. His memories will always be
with me. I remember when we were
dating and he took me to that
famous restaurant, the one he took
clients that owed him money. “The
Last Supper Club.” After that we
had a wonderful drive down the
Congress Street express way and
Vito showed me all of the special
concrete barriers named after his
friends. Yes Vito was a special
man.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Angelina, you were my
favorite.
Father Guido then introduces Fabiano, Vito’s son.
FABIANO
Barbina, Penne amd Angelina (big
winks). I’m so happy you are here
today to honor my father. Before I
make some big announcements about
my fathers will, (the wives show
excitement) I want to say a few
words about Vito. I know what
you’re thinking, the police reports
say he killed himself by drowning
in his bathtub. I ask you how can
you commit suicide if you’re hands
are tied behind your back, you are
blindfolded, with your clothes on,
and there’s no water in the tub?
Another question? How could he have
written a suicide note taped to his
forehead?
I wonder if that had any thing to
do about his nickname, Vito “the
Forehead” Mostacholli. I doubt,
very much, the police did a good
job investigating my fathers
untimely death. A few words about
my dad. He was a generous man,
although several of his business
partners disappeared, after some
brief disagreements, he made sure
the families had something to
remember them by. He made sure
their were concrete park benches
with their names inscribed in
Lincoln Park. Another gift my
father donated to the city was a
concrete center divider on the
Chicago River bridge named after
one his biggest competitors. Those
were a few of the ways he showed
his love of country and affection
for his competitors and friends.
God rest your soul dad.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sure there are others that
would like to say a few things
about this great man. Please make
it brief. We have a few
announcements, and please be
generous when our ushers pass the
basket, we need cash to pay the
caterers at “Meatballs are Us”
after this solemn event.
Father nods to the audience to come up and say a few words about Vito. First Joe Picarrelli.
JOE PICARRELI
I have a few IOU’s you’re father
gave me (looking at Fabiano} by we
can talk about that later.
FABIANO (CONT'D)
As you know I was one of Vito’s
trusted partners. Our concrete
business was the go to place if you
needed a driveway, or highway.
There are many highways leaving
Chicago named after some of our
clients. One comes to mind, the
Congress Street Expressway. If you
look closely at some off ramps they
are named after some of my partners
ex-partners. I am grateful we could
do this for them. We were like
brothers.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
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BARBINA ALDENTE
Vito, we will miss you. I’ll never
forget the first time we met at
Canelloni’s restaurant on the South
Side. It was a rainy night. The
traffic was unbearable. Your
chauffeur was making good time
until he hit the policeman on his
motorcycle. The officer was lying
there, your driver got out and told
the officer you were in a hurry and
gave him your card and 100 dollars.
The priest nudges Barbina to continue.
BARBINA
When we sat down to eat, I noticed
a middle aged women who had the
most beautiful diamond earings.
Vito saw how much I loved those
earings, the next thing you know
woman dissappeared and Vito had
gift wrapped the diamond earings in
a napkin. They fell out on my
spagetti and meatballs. I must say
those meatballs never looked
better.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sorry Barbina, we must move on.
We only have this until 2 pm and
it’s already noon.
BARBINA ALDENTE
Thank you Father, I’ll be waiting
outside after the service behind
the sanctuary, I have a surprise
for you and an envelop. (She looks
very available)
Father Guido embarassed wishpers in Barbina’s ear and
introduces Vito’s second wife.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Allow me to introduce Vito’s second
wife Penne. Again Vito sparred no
price to get the “hottest” I mean
most attractive women to marry him.
Penne, chewing gum, standing next to Father Guido.
PENNE MALATESTA
I would like to take the floor and
say a few kind words about my first
love. Vito. We met in a “bar” I
mean fine restaurant on the
Northside. I think the name was
“Santino’s house of Girls.” Vito’s
eyes and mine met, he immediatley
bought 10 tickets so he could dance
with me.
It was love at first site. Many of
you didn’t know that Vito was a
pioneer in the movie business. He
told me he produced dozens of home
movies, and wanted me to star in
his latest adventure. He said that
the movie was called “I’ve got a
lovely bunch of coconuts,” it was a
remake of one of those “out of
Africa” National Geographic films.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Penne, I don’t think it’s
appropriate for you to discuss this
movie at this time. I watched it,
it was entertaining, but the folks
here would not be interested.
PENNE MALATESTA
If you insist Father, I was getting
to the part you played but we’ll
save that for another day.
Whatever, Vito was a great man and
I will forever be in “his debt.”
My guess is I still owe him a
couple of thousand dollars.
Father Guido introduces Vito’s third wife, Angelina Farfalla. She’s standing next to Vito’s son Fabiano. During the ceremony they’ve been lusting for each other.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
(Looking down sobbing at the site
of Vito’s dead body) I don’t have
the words to express how much I
loved this man. I know he loved
women but I was his special one.
Penne and Barbina take offense at
her comment.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
My first thoughts go out to his
family. Fabiano, his late brothers
Nunzio, Carmine and sister,
Josephine. They all met untimely
deaths. We will always miss you
Vito. His memories will always be
with me. I remember when we were
dating and he took me to that
famous restaurant, the one he took
clients that owed him money. “The
Last Supper Club.” After that we
had a wonderful drive down the
Congress Street express way and
Vito showed me all of the special
concrete barriers named after his
friends. Yes Vito was a special
man.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Angelina, you were my
favorite.
Father Guido then introduces Fabiano, Vito’s son.
FABIANO
Barbina, Penne amd Angelina (big
winks). I’m so happy you are here
today to honor my father. Before I
make some big announcements about
my fathers will, (the wives show
excitement) I want to say a few
words about Vito. I know what
you’re thinking, the police reports
say he killed himself by drowning
in his bathtub. I ask you how can
you commit suicide if you’re hands
are tied behind your back, you are
blindfolded, with your clothes on,
and there’s no water in the tub?
Another question? How could he have
written a suicide note taped to his
forehead?
I wonder if that had any thing to
do about his nickname, Vito “the
Forehead” Mostacholli. I doubt,
very much, the police did a good
job investigating my fathers
untimely death. A few words about
my dad. He was a generous man,
although several of his business
partners disappeared, after some
brief disagreements, he made sure
the families had something to
remember them by. He made sure
their were concrete park benches
with their names inscribed in
Lincoln Park. Another gift my
father donated to the city was a
concrete center divider on the
Chicago River bridge named after
one his biggest competitors. Those
were a few of the ways he showed
his love of country and affection
for his competitors and friends.
God rest your soul dad.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sure there are others that
would like to say a few things
about this great man. Please make
it brief. We have a few
announcements, and please be
generous when our ushers pass the
basket, we need cash to pay the
caterers at “Meatballs are Us”
after this solemn event.
Father nods to the audience to come up and say a few words about Vito. First Joe Picarrelli.
JOE PICARRELI
I have a few IOU’s you’re father
gave me (looking at Fabiano} by we
can talk about that later.
FABIANO (CONT'D)
As you know I was one of Vito’s
trusted partners. Our concrete
business was the go to place if you
needed a driveway, or highway.
There are many highways leaving
Chicago named after some of our
clients. One comes to mind, the
Congress Street Expressway. If you
look closely at some off ramps they
are named after some of my partners
ex-partners. I am grateful we could
do this for them. We were like
brothers.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
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The priest nudges Barbina to continue.
BARBINA
When we sat down to eat, I noticed
a middle aged women who had the
most beautiful diamond earings.
Vito saw how much I loved those
earings, the next thing you know
woman dissappeared and Vito had
gift wrapped the diamond earings in
a napkin. They fell out on my
spagetti and meatballs. I must say
those meatballs never looked
better.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sorry Barbina, we must move on.
We only have this until 2 pm and
it’s already noon.
BARBINA ALDENTE
Thank you Father, I’ll be waiting
outside after the service behind
the sanctuary, I have a surprise
for you and an envelop. (She looks
very available)
Father Guido embarassed wishpers in Barbina’s ear and
introduces Vito’s second wife.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Allow me to introduce Vito’s second
wife Penne. Again Vito sparred no
price to get the “hottest” I mean
most attractive women to marry him.
Penne, chewing gum, standing next to Father Guido.
PENNE MALATESTA
I would like to take the floor and
say a few kind words about my first
love. Vito. We met in a “bar” I
mean fine restaurant on the
Northside. I think the name was
“Santino’s house of Girls.” Vito’s
eyes and mine met, he immediatley
bought 10 tickets so he could dance
with me.
It was love at first site. Many of
you didn’t know that Vito was a
pioneer in the movie business. He
told me he produced dozens of home
movies, and wanted me to star in
his latest adventure. He said that
the movie was called “I’ve got a
lovely bunch of coconuts,” it was a
remake of one of those “out of
Africa” National Geographic films.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Penne, I don’t think it’s
appropriate for you to discuss this
movie at this time. I watched it,
it was entertaining, but the folks
here would not be interested.
PENNE MALATESTA
If you insist Father, I was getting
to the part you played but we’ll
save that for another day.
Whatever, Vito was a great man and
I will forever be in “his debt.”
My guess is I still owe him a
couple of thousand dollars.
Father Guido introduces Vito’s third wife, Angelina Farfalla. She’s standing next to Vito’s son Fabiano. During the ceremony they’ve been lusting for each other.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
(Looking down sobbing at the site
of Vito’s dead body) I don’t have
the words to express how much I
loved this man. I know he loved
women but I was his special one.
Penne and Barbina take offense at
her comment.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
My first thoughts go out to his
family. Fabiano, his late brothers
Nunzio, Carmine and sister,
Josephine. They all met untimely
deaths. We will always miss you
Vito. His memories will always be
with me. I remember when we were
dating and he took me to that
famous restaurant, the one he took
clients that owed him money. “The
Last Supper Club.” After that we
had a wonderful drive down the
Congress Street express way and
Vito showed me all of the special
concrete barriers named after his
friends. Yes Vito was a special
man.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Angelina, you were my
favorite.
Father Guido then introduces Fabiano, Vito’s son.
FABIANO
Barbina, Penne amd Angelina (big
winks). I’m so happy you are here
today to honor my father. Before I
make some big announcements about
my fathers will, (the wives show
excitement) I want to say a few
words about Vito. I know what
you’re thinking, the police reports
say he killed himself by drowning
in his bathtub. I ask you how can
you commit suicide if you’re hands
are tied behind your back, you are
blindfolded, with your clothes on,
and there’s no water in the tub?
Another question? How could he have
written a suicide note taped to his
forehead?
I wonder if that had any thing to
do about his nickname, Vito “the
Forehead” Mostacholli. I doubt,
very much, the police did a good
job investigating my fathers
untimely death. A few words about
my dad. He was a generous man,
although several of his business
partners disappeared, after some
brief disagreements, he made sure
the families had something to
remember them by. He made sure
their were concrete park benches
with their names inscribed in
Lincoln Park. Another gift my
father donated to the city was a
concrete center divider on the
Chicago River bridge named after
one his biggest competitors. Those
were a few of the ways he showed
his love of country and affection
for his competitors and friends.
God rest your soul dad.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sure there are others that
would like to say a few things
about this great man. Please make
it brief. We have a few
announcements, and please be
generous when our ushers pass the
basket, we need cash to pay the
caterers at “Meatballs are Us”
after this solemn event.
Father nods to the audience to come up and say a few words about Vito. First Joe Picarrelli.
JOE PICARRELI
I have a few IOU’s you’re father
gave me (looking at Fabiano} by we
can talk about that later.
FABIANO (CONT'D)
As you know I was one of Vito’s
trusted partners. Our concrete
business was the go to place if you
needed a driveway, or highway.
There are many highways leaving
Chicago named after some of our
clients. One comes to mind, the
Congress Street Expressway. If you
look closely at some off ramps they
are named after some of my partners
ex-partners. I am grateful we could
do this for them. We were like
brothers.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
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BARBINA ALDENTE
Thank you Father, I’ll be waiting
outside after the service behind
the sanctuary, I have a surprise
for you and an envelop. (She looks
very available)
Father Guido embarassed wishpers in Barbina’s ear and
introduces Vito’s second wife.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Allow me to introduce Vito’s second
wife Penne. Again Vito sparred no
price to get the “hottest” I mean
most attractive women to marry him.
Penne, chewing gum, standing next to Father Guido.
PENNE MALATESTA
I would like to take the floor and
say a few kind words about my first
love. Vito. We met in a “bar” I
mean fine restaurant on the
Northside. I think the name was
“Santino’s house of Girls.” Vito’s
eyes and mine met, he immediatley
bought 10 tickets so he could dance
with me.
It was love at first site. Many of
you didn’t know that Vito was a
pioneer in the movie business. He
told me he produced dozens of home
movies, and wanted me to star in
his latest adventure. He said that
the movie was called “I’ve got a
lovely bunch of coconuts,” it was a
remake of one of those “out of
Africa” National Geographic films.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Penne, I don’t think it’s
appropriate for you to discuss this
movie at this time. I watched it,
it was entertaining, but the folks
here would not be interested.
PENNE MALATESTA
If you insist Father, I was getting
to the part you played but we’ll
save that for another day.
Whatever, Vito was a great man and
I will forever be in “his debt.”
My guess is I still owe him a
couple of thousand dollars.
Father Guido introduces Vito’s third wife, Angelina Farfalla. She’s standing next to Vito’s son Fabiano. During the ceremony they’ve been lusting for each other.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
(Looking down sobbing at the site
of Vito’s dead body) I don’t have
the words to express how much I
loved this man. I know he loved
women but I was his special one.
Penne and Barbina take offense at
her comment.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
My first thoughts go out to his
family. Fabiano, his late brothers
Nunzio, Carmine and sister,
Josephine. They all met untimely
deaths. We will always miss you
Vito. His memories will always be
with me. I remember when we were
dating and he took me to that
famous restaurant, the one he took
clients that owed him money. “The
Last Supper Club.” After that we
had a wonderful drive down the
Congress Street express way and
Vito showed me all of the special
concrete barriers named after his
friends. Yes Vito was a special
man.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Angelina, you were my
favorite.
Father Guido then introduces Fabiano, Vito’s son.
FABIANO
Barbina, Penne amd Angelina (big
winks). I’m so happy you are here
today to honor my father. Before I
make some big announcements about
my fathers will, (the wives show
excitement) I want to say a few
words about Vito. I know what
you’re thinking, the police reports
say he killed himself by drowning
in his bathtub. I ask you how can
you commit suicide if you’re hands
are tied behind your back, you are
blindfolded, with your clothes on,
and there’s no water in the tub?
Another question? How could he have
written a suicide note taped to his
forehead?
I wonder if that had any thing to
do about his nickname, Vito “the
Forehead” Mostacholli. I doubt,
very much, the police did a good
job investigating my fathers
untimely death. A few words about
my dad. He was a generous man,
although several of his business
partners disappeared, after some
brief disagreements, he made sure
the families had something to
remember them by. He made sure
their were concrete park benches
with their names inscribed in
Lincoln Park. Another gift my
father donated to the city was a
concrete center divider on the
Chicago River bridge named after
one his biggest competitors. Those
were a few of the ways he showed
his love of country and affection
for his competitors and friends.
God rest your soul dad.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sure there are others that
would like to say a few things
about this great man. Please make
it brief. We have a few
announcements, and please be
generous when our ushers pass the
basket, we need cash to pay the
caterers at “Meatballs are Us”
after this solemn event.
Father nods to the audience to come up and say a few words about Vito. First Joe Picarrelli.
JOE PICARRELI
I have a few IOU’s you’re father
gave me (looking at Fabiano} by we
can talk about that later.
FABIANO (CONT'D)
As you know I was one of Vito’s
trusted partners. Our concrete
business was the go to place if you
needed a driveway, or highway.
There are many highways leaving
Chicago named after some of our
clients. One comes to mind, the
Congress Street Expressway. If you
look closely at some off ramps they
are named after some of my partners
ex-partners. I am grateful we could
do this for them. We were like
brothers.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
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PENNE MALATESTA
I would like to take the floor and
say a few kind words about my first
love. Vito. We met in a “bar” I
mean fine restaurant on the
Northside. I think the name was
“Santino’s house of Girls.” Vito’s
eyes and mine met, he immediatley
bought 10 tickets so he could dance
with me.
It was love at first site. Many of
you didn’t know that Vito was a
pioneer in the movie business. He
told me he produced dozens of home
movies, and wanted me to star in
his latest adventure. He said that
the movie was called “I’ve got a
lovely bunch of coconuts,” it was a
remake of one of those “out of
Africa” National Geographic films.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Penne, I don’t think it’s
appropriate for you to discuss this
movie at this time. I watched it,
it was entertaining, but the folks
here would not be interested.
PENNE MALATESTA
If you insist Father, I was getting
to the part you played but we’ll
save that for another day.
Whatever, Vito was a great man and
I will forever be in “his debt.”
My guess is I still owe him a
couple of thousand dollars.
Father Guido introduces Vito’s third wife, Angelina Farfalla. She’s standing next to Vito’s son Fabiano. During the ceremony they’ve been lusting for each other.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
(Looking down sobbing at the site
of Vito’s dead body) I don’t have
the words to express how much I
loved this man. I know he loved
women but I was his special one.
Penne and Barbina take offense at
her comment.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
My first thoughts go out to his
family. Fabiano, his late brothers
Nunzio, Carmine and sister,
Josephine. They all met untimely
deaths. We will always miss you
Vito. His memories will always be
with me. I remember when we were
dating and he took me to that
famous restaurant, the one he took
clients that owed him money. “The
Last Supper Club.” After that we
had a wonderful drive down the
Congress Street express way and
Vito showed me all of the special
concrete barriers named after his
friends. Yes Vito was a special
man.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Angelina, you were my
favorite.
Father Guido then introduces Fabiano, Vito’s son.
FABIANO
Barbina, Penne amd Angelina (big
winks). I’m so happy you are here
today to honor my father. Before I
make some big announcements about
my fathers will, (the wives show
excitement) I want to say a few
words about Vito. I know what
you’re thinking, the police reports
say he killed himself by drowning
in his bathtub. I ask you how can
you commit suicide if you’re hands
are tied behind your back, you are
blindfolded, with your clothes on,
and there’s no water in the tub?
Another question? How could he have
written a suicide note taped to his
forehead?
I wonder if that had any thing to
do about his nickname, Vito “the
Forehead” Mostacholli. I doubt,
very much, the police did a good
job investigating my fathers
untimely death. A few words about
my dad. He was a generous man,
although several of his business
partners disappeared, after some
brief disagreements, he made sure
the families had something to
remember them by. He made sure
their were concrete park benches
with their names inscribed in
Lincoln Park. Another gift my
father donated to the city was a
concrete center divider on the
Chicago River bridge named after
one his biggest competitors. Those
were a few of the ways he showed
his love of country and affection
for his competitors and friends.
God rest your soul dad.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sure there are others that
would like to say a few things
about this great man. Please make
it brief. We have a few
announcements, and please be
generous when our ushers pass the
basket, we need cash to pay the
caterers at “Meatballs are Us”
after this solemn event.
Father nods to the audience to come up and say a few words about Vito. First Joe Picarrelli.
JOE PICARRELI
I have a few IOU’s you’re father
gave me (looking at Fabiano} by we
can talk about that later.
FABIANO (CONT'D)
As you know I was one of Vito’s
trusted partners. Our concrete
business was the go to place if you
needed a driveway, or highway.
There are many highways leaving
Chicago named after some of our
clients. One comes to mind, the
Congress Street Expressway. If you
look closely at some off ramps they
are named after some of my partners
ex-partners. I am grateful we could
do this for them. We were like
brothers.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
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FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Penne, I don’t think it’s
appropriate for you to discuss this
movie at this time. I watched it,
it was entertaining, but the folks
here would not be interested.
PENNE MALATESTA
If you insist Father, I was getting
to the part you played but we’ll
save that for another day.
Whatever, Vito was a great man and
I will forever be in “his debt.”
My guess is I still owe him a
couple of thousand dollars.
Father Guido introduces Vito’s third wife, Angelina Farfalla. She’s standing next to Vito’s son Fabiano. During the ceremony they’ve been lusting for each other.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
(Looking down sobbing at the site
of Vito’s dead body) I don’t have
the words to express how much I
loved this man. I know he loved
women but I was his special one.
Penne and Barbina take offense at
her comment.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
My first thoughts go out to his
family. Fabiano, his late brothers
Nunzio, Carmine and sister,
Josephine. They all met untimely
deaths. We will always miss you
Vito. His memories will always be
with me. I remember when we were
dating and he took me to that
famous restaurant, the one he took
clients that owed him money. “The
Last Supper Club.” After that we
had a wonderful drive down the
Congress Street express way and
Vito showed me all of the special
concrete barriers named after his
friends. Yes Vito was a special
man.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Angelina, you were my
favorite.
Father Guido then introduces Fabiano, Vito’s son.
FABIANO
Barbina, Penne amd Angelina (big
winks). I’m so happy you are here
today to honor my father. Before I
make some big announcements about
my fathers will, (the wives show
excitement) I want to say a few
words about Vito. I know what
you’re thinking, the police reports
say he killed himself by drowning
in his bathtub. I ask you how can
you commit suicide if you’re hands
are tied behind your back, you are
blindfolded, with your clothes on,
and there’s no water in the tub?
Another question? How could he have
written a suicide note taped to his
forehead?
I wonder if that had any thing to
do about his nickname, Vito “the
Forehead” Mostacholli. I doubt,
very much, the police did a good
job investigating my fathers
untimely death. A few words about
my dad. He was a generous man,
although several of his business
partners disappeared, after some
brief disagreements, he made sure
the families had something to
remember them by. He made sure
their were concrete park benches
with their names inscribed in
Lincoln Park. Another gift my
father donated to the city was a
concrete center divider on the
Chicago River bridge named after
one his biggest competitors. Those
were a few of the ways he showed
his love of country and affection
for his competitors and friends.
God rest your soul dad.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sure there are others that
would like to say a few things
about this great man. Please make
it brief. We have a few
announcements, and please be
generous when our ushers pass the
basket, we need cash to pay the
caterers at “Meatballs are Us”
after this solemn event.
Father nods to the audience to come up and say a few words about Vito. First Joe Picarrelli.
JOE PICARRELI
I have a few IOU’s you’re father
gave me (looking at Fabiano} by we
can talk about that later.
FABIANO (CONT'D)
As you know I was one of Vito’s
trusted partners. Our concrete
business was the go to place if you
needed a driveway, or highway.
There are many highways leaving
Chicago named after some of our
clients. One comes to mind, the
Congress Street Expressway. If you
look closely at some off ramps they
are named after some of my partners
ex-partners. I am grateful we could
do this for them. We were like
brothers.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
ANGELINA FARFALLA
My first thoughts go out to his
family. Fabiano, his late brothers
Nunzio, Carmine and sister,
Josephine. They all met untimely
deaths. We will always miss you
Vito. His memories will always be
with me. I remember when we were
dating and he took me to that
famous restaurant, the one he took
clients that owed him money. “The
Last Supper Club.” After that we
had a wonderful drive down the
Congress Street express way and
Vito showed me all of the special
concrete barriers named after his
friends. Yes Vito was a special
man.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Angelina, you were my
favorite.
Father Guido then introduces Fabiano, Vito’s son.
FABIANO
Barbina, Penne amd Angelina (big
winks). I’m so happy you are here
today to honor my father. Before I
make some big announcements about
my fathers will, (the wives show
excitement) I want to say a few
words about Vito. I know what
you’re thinking, the police reports
say he killed himself by drowning
in his bathtub. I ask you how can
you commit suicide if you’re hands
are tied behind your back, you are
blindfolded, with your clothes on,
and there’s no water in the tub?
Another question? How could he have
written a suicide note taped to his
forehead?
I wonder if that had any thing to
do about his nickname, Vito “the
Forehead” Mostacholli. I doubt,
very much, the police did a good
job investigating my fathers
untimely death. A few words about
my dad. He was a generous man,
although several of his business
partners disappeared, after some
brief disagreements, he made sure
the families had something to
remember them by. He made sure
their were concrete park benches
with their names inscribed in
Lincoln Park. Another gift my
father donated to the city was a
concrete center divider on the
Chicago River bridge named after
one his biggest competitors. Those
were a few of the ways he showed
his love of country and affection
for his competitors and friends.
God rest your soul dad.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sure there are others that
would like to say a few things
about this great man. Please make
it brief. We have a few
announcements, and please be
generous when our ushers pass the
basket, we need cash to pay the
caterers at “Meatballs are Us”
after this solemn event.
Father nods to the audience to come up and say a few words about Vito. First Joe Picarrelli.
JOE PICARRELI
I have a few IOU’s you’re father
gave me (looking at Fabiano} by we
can talk about that later.
FABIANO (CONT'D)
As you know I was one of Vito’s
trusted partners. Our concrete
business was the go to place if you
needed a driveway, or highway.
There are many highways leaving
Chicago named after some of our
clients. One comes to mind, the
Congress Street Expressway. If you
look closely at some off ramps they
are named after some of my partners
ex-partners. I am grateful we could
do this for them. We were like
brothers.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Angelina, you were my
favorite.
Father Guido then introduces Fabiano, Vito’s son.
FABIANO
Barbina, Penne amd Angelina (big
winks). I’m so happy you are here
today to honor my father. Before I
make some big announcements about
my fathers will, (the wives show
excitement) I want to say a few
words about Vito. I know what
you’re thinking, the police reports
say he killed himself by drowning
in his bathtub. I ask you how can
you commit suicide if you’re hands
are tied behind your back, you are
blindfolded, with your clothes on,
and there’s no water in the tub?
Another question? How could he have
written a suicide note taped to his
forehead?
I wonder if that had any thing to
do about his nickname, Vito “the
Forehead” Mostacholli. I doubt,
very much, the police did a good
job investigating my fathers
untimely death. A few words about
my dad. He was a generous man,
although several of his business
partners disappeared, after some
brief disagreements, he made sure
the families had something to
remember them by. He made sure
their were concrete park benches
with their names inscribed in
Lincoln Park. Another gift my
father donated to the city was a
concrete center divider on the
Chicago River bridge named after
one his biggest competitors. Those
were a few of the ways he showed
his love of country and affection
for his competitors and friends.
God rest your soul dad.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sure there are others that
would like to say a few things
about this great man. Please make
it brief. We have a few
announcements, and please be
generous when our ushers pass the
basket, we need cash to pay the
caterers at “Meatballs are Us”
after this solemn event.
Father nods to the audience to come up and say a few words about Vito. First Joe Picarrelli.
JOE PICARRELI
I have a few IOU’s you’re father
gave me (looking at Fabiano} by we
can talk about that later.
FABIANO (CONT'D)
As you know I was one of Vito’s
trusted partners. Our concrete
business was the go to place if you
needed a driveway, or highway.
There are many highways leaving
Chicago named after some of our
clients. One comes to mind, the
Congress Street Expressway. If you
look closely at some off ramps they
are named after some of my partners
ex-partners. I am grateful we could
do this for them. We were like
brothers.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
I’m sure there are others that
would like to say a few things
about this great man. Please make
it brief. We have a few
announcements, and please be
generous when our ushers pass the
basket, we need cash to pay the
caterers at “Meatballs are Us”
after this solemn event.
Father nods to the audience to come up and say a few words about Vito. First Joe Picarrelli.
JOE PICARRELI
I have a few IOU’s you’re father
gave me (looking at Fabiano} by we
can talk about that later.
FABIANO (CONT'D)
As you know I was one of Vito’s
trusted partners. Our concrete
business was the go to place if you
needed a driveway, or highway.
There are many highways leaving
Chicago named after some of our
clients. One comes to mind, the
Congress Street Expressway. If you
look closely at some off ramps they
are named after some of my partners
ex-partners. I am grateful we could
do this for them. We were like
brothers.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Thank you Joe, anyone else?
Jimmy Fratello stands up to eulogize Vito.
JIMMY FRATELLO
Some of you may know me, since I
was Vito’s accountant and “bag
man.” I mean collector, or how
should I put it, his confidante.
Vito was a special man, he did it
“his way.” ( Joey breaks out in
song) “For what is a man, what he
has got, if not himself, then he
has naught, he said the words he
truly feels and not the words of
one that kneels he took the blows,
MY records show, and did it his
way. Yes it was his way.”
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Joey thank you for that wonderful
tribute. Incidently ladies and
gentlemen, Joey wants you to know
he sings Kareoke on Wednesday
nights at Picasso’s Meatball
factory on the Northside. If you
like Jimmy’s tribute, there’s a tip
jar at the end of the aisle.
FATHER GUIDO FETTUCHINI
Before we leave, Fabiano, Vito’s
son, wants to make an announcement.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
FABIANO
We want everyone in the room to pay
their respects to my father. The
ushers will hand out envelops after
the service. Finally, my father
Vito asked me to announce that
Father Fettuchini annulled all of
his marriages. His company, and
bank accounts would be transferred
to me, his son Fabiano. Remember
the tip jar the envelops on the way
out. (Big Smile)
Vito’s three wives leave in a huff down the center aisle.
THE END.
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